English Humour英语幽默

anny

A Married Man is Preferable
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"Just why do you want a married man to work for you, rather than a bachelor?"Asked the curious chap.

; F# I& b% W/ E9 ~% V/ N"Well," sighed the boss, "the married men don't get so upset if I yell at them"
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已婚者优先
一个好奇的小伙子问“您为什么想招聘一个已婚男人，而不是单身汉呢？”
5 P) L2 M8 N, p5 i6 {老板说：“是这样的，我对已婚男人大吼大叫，他不会心绪烦乱”
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本贴已被 作者 于 2007年01月25日 08时30分09秒 编辑过

llxliul

good
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龙行天下

那我们没有结婚的岂不是要失业了.........
楼主要给我们没有结婚的一点信心呀........

anny

A Very Nice Young Man
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/ O0 N4 _+ v* S, C/ E' u# LA gentleman and a lady were talking in an omnibus:
, A) G% I' Y4 a2 W/ S# _/ _"Have you got any children, Madam?"
"Yes, Sir I have one boy."
' V2 O& L  _) q3 T2 V" e) D"Is he a good boy?"
. d" ]( ~9 p( B"A very good boy."
5 [( J6 E- X# _"Does your son smoke, Madam?"
"No, Sir, he does not smoke."
. u' i) S, m6 [# a8 E"Does he go to the alehouse?"
"No, Sir, he does not go out without me."
  `0 m- e4 Z! U7 F( n"Does he come home late?"
"No, Sir he goes to bed after supper every day."
- h; G* ?* `( a* {% B9 Z6 l"Your son is a very nice young man, Madam, how old is he?"
; D8 ~- w: b' Z2 ^, ?- }"He is six months, Sir."

棒小伙

% r1 W0 t( C9 k1 r& A+ @% r一位先生和一位太太同坐在一辆公共汽车上谈着话.
4 P/ f" L/ T& X先生:"太太,你有孩子吗?"
3 T- M# y& j3 o5 u太太:"有的,先生,我有一个男孩."
7 h) |/ U2 P: \先生:"他是一个好孩子吗?"
, }7 C$ h+ ?$ ^9 W7 _# I太太:"一个非常好的男孩."
) U" m0 x5 q6 E# G; D5 e( b+ g先生:"太太,你的儿子抽烟吗?"
太太:"不先生,他不抽烟."
先生:"他去酒吧吗?"
5 q$ [5 y0 E9 a& W& w/ A! N太太:"不,先生,没有我他从来不出去."
先生:"他回家晚吗?"
太太:"不先生,每天他吃了晚饭就睡."
先生:"太太,你的儿子真是个非常好的年轻人,他几岁了?"
3 S" p  u+ C  M6 g太太:"先生,他六个月".

anny

re:3
神阿，赐予banchelor于力量，让他们免于失业，结婚吧！[em4][em4]

本贴已被 作者 于 2007年01月25日 08时29分37秒 编辑过

anny

I'm start in three months' time
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    Rose left school when she was seventeen.and then went to look for work,Rose went to several offices,and at last chose one of them.she went to the office again and said to the manager,"I want to work here,but what will you pay me?"
! f" Q" r( b0 U8 D   "we'll pay you 27 pounds now,and 30 pounds after three months."
   Rose thought for a few seconds before she answered,Then she said,"All right, then I'll start in three months time".
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三个月后我再开始
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& n$ B( R  \6 I( VRose 17岁时毕业了，然后开始找工作，她去了好多个公司。最后选择了一家，她再次来到那个办公室时对经理说道：“我想在这儿工作，不过你能给我多少薪水呢？”“我们现在行付27英镑，3个月后再给你30英镑”。Rose想了一会回答道：“好吧，那么我三个月之后再开始工作吧。”
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yaoshan2005

呵呵

anny

Three Turtles

9 z( `9 o- r4 W1 @% IThree turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the
　　cafe, it started to rain. The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go
& Q+ `5 j9 d" Q) C! x　　home and get the umbrella."
* B" r' [; Q% e+ [0 [. [: Y　　　 The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my coffee."
　　　 "We won't," the other two promised.
　　　 Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he
　　isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
: E1 t% m" d: v　　　 Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."

三只乌龟
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  P" G; u* v2 L3 g　　 　 三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。于是
( N8 n+ F  b" I　　最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取伞吧。”
2 P/ s4 v/ {7 @: Q) V0 Q0 u4 `　　　　最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”
　　　 “我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。
- ]3 A9 T, `" [* I- ]　　　　两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们
# ^) K' P3 Q, ^6 t9 z　　可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”
　　　　正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”

anny

加菲猫式语录
+ G7 ~. f5 @: n  S# sOne should love anim als. They are so tasty.

5 Q/ \0 _! A/ [# G7 K9 E: i, J) _5 K    每个人都应该热爱动物,因为它们很好吃。

    Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
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. f$ z- W9 T* R- }! Z1 j9 H    要节约用水,尽量和女友一起洗澡。
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& J5 B0 ^- ]! s2 P5 d. V4 ^! D4 t    Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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    每个成功男人的背后,都有一个女人；每个不成功男人的背后,都有两个。

    Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
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3 ]* p6 a1 h5 v0 t. z    成功是一个相关名词,他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚。
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, Q1 a' _- N5 [$ C0 J* `    Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
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) w1 C3 ], |2 H; U' K, o( A! h3 B    爱情就像照片,需要大量的暗房时间来培养。

4 D1 s( @8 q: }, q. a+ w+ b! S8 V    Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.

    后排座位上的小孩会发生意外,后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。

' v# F. v( c/ a+ C( E$ q5 p& c+ B    Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep.

    “现在的梦想决定着你的将来,”所以还是再睡一会吧。

    Hard work never killed anybody. But why take the risk"
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    “努力工作不会导致死亡！”不过我不会用自己去证明。

    God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
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    上帝决定了谁是你的亲戚,幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给你留了余地。
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3 s( k/ f& D( ~  A+ e! I    The more you learn,the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn？

+ Z7 z# z" g2 b' E# f2 d    学的越多,知道的越多；知道的越多,忘记的越多；忘记的越多,知道的越少,为什么学来着？
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/ y; p( V' }7 Y( ]5 A% o    Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
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    不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
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, R9 y& N' t$ j6 _; r) }7 B% q    "Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! "

( _, r; f! T- x    “工作好有意思耶！”尤其是看着别人工作
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7 K% Z( r5 a9 B2 p" B    Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.

    钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
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; C. A2 ~) t! Z) F8 X6 F    Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.

    要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
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" e% f: Q8 o) o. V1 v. L; i    Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
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+ _( g& X5 K5 _2 n: ^) H) c+ y* u2 h    再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。

    The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.
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    聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。
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龙行天下

学英语,从简单开始.........